"I wasn't asleep. I was resting my eyes."
Grandpa was born on a farm during a thunderstorm, and to this day nobody in the family is completely sure which noise was the thunder. He spent forty-one years selling shoes, which he says taught him two things: everybody's feet smell, and nobody ever admits it.
Since retiring, Grandpa has dedicated himself full-time to resting his eyes. He can do it anywhere: the sofa, the car, the dentist's waiting room, once standing up in a supermarket queue. Investigators note that his naps begin suspiciously soon after every incident, and that his mustache has been seen to twitch during them.
He claims he invented the phrase "silent but deadly" in 1968. He also claims he once beat a goose in an arm-wrestle. Neither claim has been verified.
BUSTED!
